Where does it come from, how you reinforce it, and how can you modify your life’s argument
life’s argument, transactional analysis, self improvement
It is important to emphasize that contrary to some inferior animals that have a minimum margin to deflect the kind of life that they have genetically programmed, the human being goes building its Life’s Argument little by little, starting from his first infantile experiences.
This appraisement of our first years experience, as the decisive ones to determine the kind of life that we will have to live, takes us then inevitably, to conclude that, we come to this world with the widest possibilities for the kind of life that we will have, but this initial readiness, will be impaired little by little by:
- The kind of parents that we have
The fact of having or not siblings, how many are they, what is our position among them (the bigger, the middle one, the smaller)
The relatives that we have
The school to which we are sent
Summarizing, all those social relationships that will allow us to become an autonomous human being, developing the full of our capacities, or in a submissive robot, restricted in its freedom by thousand external factors. (I have omitted the mention of the Karma that also determines the characteristics of our existence, to simplify the understanding of this book)
The Life’s Argument, according to Dr. Eric Berne is:
“A program in action, developed in the first childhood, under the parental influence, that directs the individual’s behavior in the most important aspects in his life.”
In this definition it is necessary to clarify that Dr. Berne understands as the parental influence: the one that is exercised on a child not only by his parents, but also the biggest siblings, grandparents, uncles, cousins, teachers, and other adults that have being important in that boy’s childhood.
This unconscious plan will be built from a very early age, with the scarce capacity to appropriately value the reality that can have a small boy.
For that reason the resulting Life’s Argument won’t always be adapted to the received stimuli (in an adult’s opinion) In fact the only thing that it really cares, is how the boy has felt those situations, what did the boy thought and sense. That could be something very different, from what will feel another brother of the same family, since…
The individual experience, it doesn’t depend on the quantity of situations that we have crossed, but of our intellectual and emotional elaboration about them
In fact the experience depends on what impresses us, and of what we feel and think (conscious or unconsciously) on those situations.
The conclusion of these statements is really startling, because it is that:
Each one of the most important aspects in our existence will be resolved, conditioned, by our infantile experiences in the first five years of our life.
And the investigations made about this so far, seem to confirm this theory, leaving to our comfort a small crack of possibilities to avoid this programming like:
If the messages that we received weren´t too intense
If we go through experiences strong enough to shake the foundations of our life’s argument
Living a great love
Living in a war
We can also modify our Argument by means of the psychotherapy, the self-analysis or the mind control.
To this point of the outline, it seems logical to wonder why do we have a Life’s Argument?
And the answer is that each family moves inside its own reference points, inside its own values scale and customs, and they want their children to adapt to their own vision of the existence.
Then the family will be devoted to reinforce the entire behavior, thoughts and boy’s emotions that are framed inside this outline, and it will punish or will ignore all those that move away from it.
This way little by little, the children will learn what is it that is expected from him, and will begin to adapt to the parental commands, so to enjoy the indulgence and the caresses of those adults that are important for him (parental figures according to Berne). And the children will adapt themselves even though they have to resign their personal preferences, including their own health or his life, in extreme cases.
In later stages the Life’s Argument continues existing unchanged for two reasons:
Because having an Argument will save us from the uncertainty sensation that would take place, if we have to make a new decision before each situation that we are presented.
Because in our desire of pleasing the parental figures, we will surround ourselves with the necessary human environment, to be able to take our Argument ahead. This will in turn be a conditioning factor, so that we don’t leave the Argument, because we would become unaccepted by the environment that we have chosen.
With this said I don’t want, to make you think in a predetermined future. The Life’s Argument doesn’t take us to a predictable future, but rather it is something similar to a recorded tape that will reproduce the same melody every time that we put it. A cassette that will facilitate us the same reaction every time that the same stimuli is presented to us, and that also, will take us to choose the stimuli that allow us to use that cassette, among a certain margin of creativity and freedom.
The maximum exponent of the freedom that we have, is our capacity to change our infantile’s argument, for another one more adapted to our mature necessities.
All this takes us then to take conscience of the enormous importance that has in our lives, something about what we are not very accustomed to think: The Subconscious Mind.
Our subconscious mind works during the twenty-four hours of the day, and this way it can become the most formidable ally with which we could dream of, or the most terrible enemy when its Life’s Argument doesn’t coincide with our current plans for life.
Nevertheless the internal structuring that the Life´s Argument provides us, it isn’t the final point to the planning of our existence, but rather our existence will unwrap with a constant feedback of the programmed tendencies.
This feedback takes place:
Through the contact with the appropriate people
With the constant living inside thought outlines, that takes us to achieve what our program needs, and to avoid what can alter it.
Said in another way:
In order that our programming keeps being effective, it needs our
constant daily support, through the thought forms that reinforce it
And precisely this is why practicing every day meditation and motivation, can help you modify your existence.
This article is part of The Secret of Success
Written by Dr. Roberto A. Bonomi
You will find all that you need to know about, self help, stress control, weight control, stop smoking, mind control, relax, motivation and meditation with subliminal messages at Dr. Bonomi’s web site: http://www.drbonomi.com