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Do you realize that if you have fear of success, you want be able to reach success?
Does The Fear Of Success Exist?
There are many ideas that are not easy to accept, and one of the worst is the idea that we can not have the success that we look for, because we are afraid of success. It is frequent to see how people that are working on their life´s argument, as a way of approaching more quickly to the goals that they have, when they begin to practice what they have learned, and begin to come closer to their goals, all of a sudden they stop practicing the techniques. Why do they do that?
Simply because they are afraid that their new behaviors might take them toward some kind of unknown danger. After having lived a life filled with frustrations, they find difficult to accept the idea that they will leave the group of the failures; and happens many times because since they were small they got used to be criticized and the blame feelings.
The parents influence on this is so big that if we wanted to novelize an example, we could say that if someone gives a blue shirt and a green shirt to a seven year-old future winner, when he puts on the blue shirt they will tell him “How happy I am that you like the blue shirt”, but to a future failure they will say “you put on the blue shirt, don’t you like the green one?”.
With this example I want to highlight that it is very frequent to see that in some families, the parents have the tendency to do not notice what the child do, but do notice what we don’t do, or do bad.
I would say that for many, success is as strange as a martian; and then they think things like: “It’s better something bad and well known that something good to be known” or “Better a bird in hand than a hundred flying” or
“The changes are dangerous” or “The changes are bad”
All our culture seems to tell us that it is better to escape from the success that to cohabit with a stranger.
The Life’s Argument
Every time that we abandon an old behavior, although it could have been extremely pernicious for us, we feel a strange sensation of loss, of bereavement; because we are so used to love us that we even love those behaviors that damage us.
When the patterns of the failure break, we feel anxiety, something like an emptiness sensation. Our conscious mind is congratulated to have overcome a problem, and at the same time our subconscious mind cries the loss of a well-known one.
This is in fact the point where practicing mind control reaches its maximum value like a catapult toward a better life, because in that moment we will really need, the support of all that helps us to change, and to move from fear to success.
Our Inner Guardian
Our subconscious mind recognizes only one master, and it’s the guardian of our Life’s Argument. That guardian’s mission is to watch over our existence, and to control that nothing changes, to verify that each one of our behaviors responds to some pattern fixed in our past. That way our waste of energy will be minimum, and everything will continue perfectly predictable and sure, perhaps it won’t please us a lot, perhaps it won’t please us at all, but we will feel sure!
It is our guardian who produces the emptiness sensation, the sadness, the anxiety and fundamentally the fear, fear to change, fear of success.
Our guardian doesn’t give up easily, he doesn’t stop making us feel fear of success, because HE feels fear of success, and only the familiarity with success can calm him, only if we get used to the idea of being praised, we can begin to accept that that ET is a good partner, or even that it is a better partner than those that we have had up to now.
But meanwhile, our inner guardian not only will provoke us fear, but even perspirations, nausea, pains and varied symptoms of uneasiness. These are the consequences of our fear of success, but they are also the signs that we are beginning to change.
Suppose that you have already taken a step toward the success.. What Will it happen then? It will happen that our guardian simply gets calmer because he is receiving the caress of the commendation. But he doesn’t leave, and neither it changes ideas, but rather stays in trap attitude, to see what it is that happens.
He is willing to accept our new success momentarily, but it is not willing to accept the presence of a bigger success. Every time that we attempt an important new step to the front, our fear of success will reappear. But then we will have a new advantage, and that will be that not only we will have tasted the victory, but we will have made ourselves to the idea, that the success is also waiting for us.
The Terror To Failure
Another great reason for the fear of success, is our terror to failure. We are generally so afraid to fail that we rather give up our dreams, than to suffer another defeat. But the defeat is not an enemy but a teacher, and we should learn to listen and incorporate its message; we should stop to join forces to attempt it again.
Once I read that when a weights lifter tries to break a mark and it doesn’t achieve it, he doesn’t continue trying and frustrating himself, but rather lowers the weight, practices some time with that lower weight, and when he feels sure again, he tries to conquer its own mark again.
The reality is that there isn’t something like warranted happiness, and the great difference between the winner and the failure, is that the winner faces problems and fears the same as the failure, but the winner overcomes, he learns and it continues ahead.
With this I don’t mean that it is impossible to stop making errors. There are many people that haven´t made a single error for years. And to be part of this group that is not afraid of success because it never makes errors, you need only one thing: to die. : -)
Written by Dr. Roberto A. Bonomi
Dr. Bonomi’s CD 32 is about Fear